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...to enter a drawing to win free ink squiggles on smashed wood pulp. Tick, tick, tick, &c.

PETDH Now Accepting Donations

Please support my new cause: People for the Ethical Treatment of Dead Horses.

Because there are alternatives to beating.

Everything Reminds Me of My Blog

I used to love Jane Siberry. I mean, I had a serious crush on her once upon a time. But really what I mean is that I loved her music. And I still do love her early music as well as the more popular music from the mid-phase of her career. But at some point in the nineties she went a little nuts. She stopped recording and performing under her own name, dubbed herself Issa, and made quirky little songs that lacked the drama and charm and musical interest of her earlier work.

Well, she eventually went back to performing under her own name. She tours now via house concerts in the homes of presumably wealthy fans. And, judging by the email she sent to her list today, she's gone off her rocker. Here, in all their resplendent glory, are Jane Siberry's seemingly sincere "12 Tips for a Successful Valentine's Day":

1. Prepare a feast for your special Valentine.
2. Put on some music.
3. Light some candles.
4. Suggest breaking up.
5. (silence)
6. Tell each other how much you have enjoyed THEM:their generosity, their wisdom, sense of humour, eccentricities, tenderness.
7. Tell each other how much you have enjoyed BEING A COUPLE WITH THEM:sharing meals, trips, end-of-day reflections, the occasionally mind-blowing love-making.
8. Tell each other how much you have enjoyed LEARNING WITH THEM:how someone else approaches life's pleasures, pains and day-to-days; your current 'triggers'; how to remain a 'professional' loving human being rather than the  insecure self that is always rested and ready to work.
9. Tell each other how GLAD you are:that you are breaking up with dignity and consciousness rather than by 'cheating'; that you share the same order of priorities: god, growth, relationships.
10. Sort out details:Choose date for closure (two months?).Choose date for break-up celebration with all your friends.
11. Really LOOK into each other's eyes.
12. Finish dinner, clean up and make plans!

So romantic. Enjoy! Thanks, Jane!

Though I don't think Jane Siberry meant this list of "tips" satirically, everything reminds me of my blog.

Venetian Ice

A friend in Venice sent this photo this morning. She promises that the ice will melt and the humidity will rise by the time we arrive in May. I wouldn't mind if her promise were to go unfulfilled.

Then again, an icy lagoon at that time of year would indicate some sort of dramatic climactic upheaval, verging on a sudden, new ice age.

And why, as I type that, don't I find the prospect more terrifying?

Hmm...

UPDATE: Oh my! Check out these photos.

Spreading President Santorum

Yesterday, in class, I wrote "President Santorum" on the board. I hope I don't get fired. After all, the word "Santorum" is commonly tossed about in the national media. He's even being taken seriously in the 2012 race for the White house, all of a sudden. I mean, guess which G.O.P. candidate is leading the national polls, as of today. Yep.

Disgusting.

UPDATE 2/12/12: Santorum has opened up a 15-point lead over Romney, nationwide. That's huge. A less mature, less tasteful blogger would undoubtedly call it "gaping."

Whatever it is, America, sometimes you're gross.

Write Club's Love Poetry Slam

I realize my legions of international readers, as well as those around the U.S., will be unable to attend this event. Nonetheless, here is the official Write Club press release, in full:

Press Release

OU Write Club Hosts Open Mic Night and Love Poetry Slam

Write club invites lovers, poets, and lovers of poetry to Café Plaid for an evening of locally-grown literature and competitive romance

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

NORMAN, Okla., 16 February 2012 — Following the packed-house success of its first-ever poetry slam, OU Write Club will spice up its regular open mic session of poetry, fiction, and creative nonfiction with an exciting and oh-so-romantic Love Poetry Slam. Café Plaid will overflow with romance (and, no doubt, heartbreak, too) on Thursday, February 16.

Sign-up starts at 7:00, and Write Club’s non-thematic, anything-goes open mic session kicks off at 7:15. Open-mic readers have seven minutes to read original creative work.

The Love Poetry Slam begins at 8:00 with five judges chosen at random from the audience. Write Club invites poets to compete within the following structure:

Round 1: Original Love Poems

Round 2: Classic/cover/published love poems

Round 3: Poet’s Choice (original poems, classic/cover/published poems, or spontaneously composed poems using words tossed out by the audience)

Poets get three minutes per round. No props, costumes, or musical accompaniment are permitted. This special slam will be limited to eight poets. The first two elimination rounds are scored cumulatively, and the final round starts with a “blank slate” for the three most (and/or least) romantic poets. Prizes may include chocolate.

For more details join “OU Write Club” on Facebook.

What About Theft of Stolen Intellectual Property?

If, by chance, I drop dead from an aneurysm today, don't be fooled. It won't really be by chance. It will be because I read this troubling op/ed piece in my university's student paper: "Intellectual Property is Theft." To be fair, the column is reasonably well written. In fact, at times, it's impressive. But the author fails to include intelligence, talent, skill, originality, and time in the category of "finite resources." In other words, if I write a book (and I have), then the paper and the ink are mine (well, my publisher's) in this columnist's view, but the words aren't mine anymore. If someone else copies my book and commits my sentences to ink and paper, then she gets to profit from selling that physical property. It's not my paper, after all. It's not my ink. And if she were to share my words online for a fee or for a fee, she could. It's all fine. No crime. I'm not a victim of theft.

No dice.

More interesting to me, perhaps, is this: if I'm in favor of intellectual property rights, then what exactly constitutes "theft"? That's where I run into trouble. Take the photo of a brain on a plate in the upper-right corner of this post, for instance. I did.

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On an unrelated note, Cindy Lee Berryhill is a genius.